I love writing and most of you would have already known it by now. It would be ideal if I can carve out a career based on writing but truth is, writers don’t make a lot of money. Money is a huge motivation for me and a lack of it is clearly a major turn off.
So I was thinking perhaps after graduation, I would carry on working in the bank and write as a pastime or hobby, maybe even earn some free-lance moolah.
The greatest advice I can give to any aspiring writer is – Find your own preferred Style. Develop and refine it to perfection.
Although he trained under Ip Man's Wing Chun, Bruce Lee developed his own fighting style.
I am nowhere near that standard or benchmark of perfection but important thing is I am willing to learn and improve my writing technique so that I can continue to write to impress and entertain.
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Now this is the question everybody wants an answer to:
HOW CAN I BECOME A GOOD WRITER?
One word – Plagiarism
PLAGIAR-WHAT!!!11!! did you fucking say Plagiarism???
this picture is full of win
Yes simple as that, Plagiarism.
Plagiarism is the surest and fastest way to improve your writing standard. It is defined as the use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one’s own original work.
In short, it’s to as best as possible mimic a BETTER writer and fucking pass it off as your own. (The above line is fucking critical; I will emphasis more about it later)
You see copying is easy, everybody can copy. Majority of plagiarizers (80%) copy wholesale and that’s why they get their ass busted. When you get burnt while plagiarizing, obviously you are going to be resentful towards it.
‘Upa Siol... Fucking lecturer failed me on grounds of plagiarism, PALA BUTOH’
‘SMLJ, LIKE THAT ALSO HE KNOW I CHEAT AH???? NABEI HE STEADY SIA!’
‘I would have succeeded but that fucken anti-plagiarism software got me…’
Ok listen up numbnuts, if you get caught, don’t blame anybody but yourself for YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
Good plagiarizers never get caught. That’s the whole point of plagiarism isn’t it? If I know I am gonna do a half-assed job of plagiarizing and run the risk of getting caught, then why the fuck even bother trying in the first place?
I mean when The Joker pulled off that bank heist in ‘The Dark Knight’, he sure as hell wouldn’t let Batman screw up his plans eh?
That which doesn't kill you will only make you stranger.
Same logic, point here though is that The Joker was CONFIDENT enough to pull off that heist KNOWING he wouldn’t get CAUGHT in the process.
When you have that level of confidence, welcome to the delightful and awe-inspiring world of plagiarism.
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Plagiarism 101
What do you need?
1. Common sense
Although genetically imbued into each of us from birth, not all are able to display this prevalent attribute.
YOU WILL BE SURPRIZED BY HOW LACKING SOME PEOPLE ARE IN THIS DEPARTMENT. I am not shitting you; there are really a hell lot of people out there who are just not using their COMMON SENSE.
fucking hilarious warning sign
While common sense and IQ are two completely different matters, having a high IQ can really give you a massive advantage in this category.
Common sense application –
Scenario A
If you plagiarize for your final year paper or graduate thesis, you don’t just lack common sense, you can actually qualify for the ‘semi-retarded’ lobby group.
The risks are simply TOO great to be worth a try.
You got so much to lose here if your plagiarism fails you.
Scenario B
In a workplace, if you plagiarize someone else’s work and get the credit and/or promotion at the same time. THAT is smart plagiarism. Yes you are a bastard, but you gotta understand this fact, Mr.NiceGuys just don’t cut it in the corporate world. Would you rather be an honorable poor fuck or a Richy-rich A-hole? Also when you are rich, people tend to ‘forget’ that you are an A-hole… How convenient, sad but true.
Need more examples?
Our very own dear SAF, nuff said. (gotta love those regular senior officers/enciks)
2. Decent, preferably Good Command of vocabulary and grammar.
No amount of plagiarism can save your sorry ass if your standard of English is as formidable as Paris Hilton’s singing capabilities.
You must be comfortable when writing in your master language be it English, Mandarin, Tamil, Melayu etc…
If you have a tendency to write using SMS lingo/jargons/short forms, NEVER enter the world of plagiarism.
Or if you write like a LOLCAT ‘I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER’, you need to find a furnace and cremate yourself.
Always remember, plagiarism is an ART. You can MASTER it.
3. Sharp Eye
I’m pulling this part back
“In short, it’s to as best as possible mimic a BETTER writer and fucking pass it off as your own. (The above line is fucking critical; I will emphasis more about it later)”
The sharp eye for detail is needed SOLELY for one purpose, to find a BETTER writer than you, utilizing somewhat similar styles and FUCKING STEAL FROM HIM/HER. When I say STEAL FROM HIM/HER, SHOW NO MERCY!
This is one of the hardest parts to master about plagiarism. Many have common sense and good grammatical/vocabulary prowess but lack the sharp eye.
Why do I say that this is fucking critical?
a) If you are unable to find a BETTER writer than you to steal from, you will NEVER improve. Put it this way, if given a chance will you fucking learn Tennis from Roger Federer or Samuel The Great?
b) If you find a BETTER writer than you but he/she writes in a different style from yours, stealing from him/her will only make you out as a PRETENDER. A poser LOL, POSER SHIT!!! It’s like er… Ogre Magi teaching Naix how to doublecast fireballs??? HE JUST CAN’T DO IT; HE IS A FUCKING NAIX, AN AGILITY HERO, NOT INTEL.
c) No matter how good a writer is, the key captivating elements or climax factors of his written work cannot possibly fill EVERYTHING. Surmise to say, if he writes an article with a head, body and tail. The Sharp Eye must be able to EXTRACT the best parts from that masterpiece.
Yup the Sharp Eye must be able to filter out the goodies and leave behind the meanies.
Having the Sharingan helps but unless your Surname is Uchiha or you are Samuel, tough luck bro FYL (fugurlife).
4. Patience
To be a good plagiarizer, you gotta have PATIENCE. Don’t rush to submit that piece of work or proposal just yet. Sit through it; modify it (aka MASK IT AND DUST UP YOUR DIRTY TRACKS) till you are convinced that you have turned the apple into an orange.
Annoying orange – HEY APPLE, HEY APPLE, HEY APPLE x9999
HEY PLUMPKIN, HEY PLUMPKIN x9999
Knife…
A lot of people get their ass busted at this point because they too KAN CHIONG! Why so anxious? When Anakin too KAN CHIONG and charge towards Count Dooku in Star Wars Episode 2, YOU SEE WHAT HAPPEN????? Fucking gana fried!
Dota 1v1
Opponent: CHOOSE LA NOOBHOST!!!
Opponent: KNN KIN LA
Opponent: BO JI AH
Sam: Anxious to lose?
Opponent: KPKB LA CBK YOU BETTER NOT FUCKING QUIT!
You all know the results.
5. Luck
Lady Luck is a huge deciding factor in the world of plagiarism. Sometimes it’s all about timing… (ngo wa timing ah, lei yi ti umm ngam timing ge zhao tong ngo sei fan oak kay la) This point is really hard to explain but ask any seasoned plagiarizer and they will tell you that Luck does play a part however minor it might be.
When you try to PUA HENG SUAY in plagiarism, take note of these three very important things.
a) Cosplay FFX-2 Lady Luck Suit if possible
b) Sphere grid yourself to 255luck
c) Make such Leng Zai Jinn Quek aka Camui Gakuto is at least 500metres proximity radius away from you at the time of your ‘criminal activity’ because he really SUAY-GA- LAO-SAI and his SUAYNESS is contagious.
If all else fails, www.guanyinma.com will always be there for you.
the 'selling this drum' part i fucking BUAY TA HAN laugh like one dog
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Sam’s inspiration (places he regularly thieves from)
Cracked.com – Ahmm Cio in the office till people thought I ki-siao. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
Maddox Best Page in the Universe – Has a lot of classic posts, not much updates though.
Gamesfaq – Look out for the insults and trolling.
TheTrueTakahina – Used to thief from TTT when I first started out but stopped after I developed my own style.
Encyclopediadramatica.com – Laugh until can break into cold sweat, just type China…
(May contain gore/sexual/disturbing images, not recommended for the faint hearted)
Urban dictionary – Definition of a slut: A woman with the morals of a man.
Definition of Raptor Jesus: Nowhere in the bible does it say that Jesus isn’t a raptor.
Facebook – Wall stealing. Some people really have a knack for posting funny vids and pictures; I do what I do best… I make it mine.
Youtube comments – Need I say more? Im really happy 4 u beyonce but IF YOU WERE A BOY, you would have a penis.
Dispel this myth of yours that PLAGIARISM is bad and all. Trust me; plagiarism isn’t as uncommon as you think. The music you listen to these days, the inventions you are using at the moment, the books you are reading… They could very well be the product of PLAGIARISM.
Plagiarism when utilized correctly is called 发扬光大
Just like President Zhou would rap in 红模仿
让我常常在想 为长只有一个太阳
为什么我的影子这么多这么像
love this song
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Notable Plagiarism (credits – cracked.com)
Fergie- Fergalicious
way to go fergie
Led Zeppelin – Stairway to Heaven
Thomas Edison- Light bulb
Andrew Lloyd Webber – Phantom of the Opera
one of the most famous composers
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. – Doctoral Thesis
I will throw in some of mine
S.H.E - The 3 Princesses of Thievery, no one in the Chinese POP Industry can beat them. Fuck they even stole from Ayumi Hamasaki... Britney Spears... Mozart...
Rihanna - We all know how Ribena steals.
Oasis- Whatever
nice one noel
Oasis- Shakermaker
Coldplay - Viva La Vida
you used to rule the world chris
1 comment:
cheers!
Kovan Regency
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