How will Sam utilize his $10 million?

Now everybody wants to rich, who the fuck doesn't? BUT do you know exactly what to do with your money/sum should you FINALLY obtain it?

I like to ask this simple question, 'What would you do if you had $10 million?'.

If you can't reply an answer instantly and with convincing confidence. YOU ARE NOT PREPARED FOR YOUR MOOLAH BITCH!!!

But Sam being Sam (God), having exceptional foresight, intelligence and all etc... I CAN TELL YOU STRAIGHT IN THE FACE what I would do with my $10 million.

THE 'elaborate' and 'well-concieved' MASTERPLAN! Learn while you can, noobs...
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Sam's guide to - BEING A PASSIVE INCOME WHORE -

$4.2million + renovations = $5 million

A top-end state of the art condo penthouse would cost around $4.2 million. Using $800k to further renovate and beautify the house, the total sum incurred would be close to $5 million. Ditto and mimic this action twice and VOILA! YOU SUCCESSFULLY SPENT YOUR $10 million. CONGRATS, UR ARE NOW AS BROKE AS TIGER WOOD'S HOLE-IN-1 REPUTATION!!! (pun intended)

But what are you gonna do with these 2 units, stay in there? No you dumbfuck, you rent it OUT.

In case you had no fucking idea, rental of condo penthouses ranges from $8000 to $12,000 PER WEEK.

YES PER FUCKING WEEK! Taking a moderate average figure of $10,000 PER WEEK, that is $40,000 PER MONTH. Since I have 2 units, that is $80,000 every dual fortnight for DOING PRACTICALLY NOTHING AKA DOING SHIT.

But who would you rent it to? Your target audience is simple, LOADED FOREIGN EXPATRIATES. If the word 'expatriates' is too chim for you, its basically 'highly-qualified' foreign workers, not those lc AH NEHS AH TIONGS from I*d*a + C*i*a you see choking up our fucking public transport these days.

But are they willing to rent it? The answer is WHY NOT! Heck afterall there is a 50% chance the angmoh or nuclear scientist isn't going to pay for the rental if he/she can be good enough to be 'talent-scouted' over to Singapore. (Company accommodation reimbursement/benefits anyone???)

What if he considers it too expensive? Think about it for a second, even if you DO slash your rental fees by HALF, you still bag $40k a month. And for a top-end condo penthouse going for $20k a month, you bet your ass THEY WILL CONSIDER IT A STEAL. Its like, 'Yo Sam I have a 1st hand PS3 for sale, only $250 do you want...' *interrupted* 'STFU, I WILL PAY NOW, LIKE NOW AND WITH FUCKING COLD HARD CASH, NOT GAYASS BANK TRANSFER'.

And remember, cutting your rental fees by half is considered a LAST DITCH DESPERATE ATTEMPT. Life doesn't always suck that much... Unless your luck really suay ga lao sai then bo pian.

What if you get sick of earning $80k passive income every month? Of course... SELL THE UNITS OFF.

If you ever studied economics aka 'EKONOMI' in Melayu terms, you would know that there is something in Singapore where the price would DEFIN-FUCKEN-ITELY rise over time and that is PROPERTY. It has happened to our Asian neighbours Hong Kong, S.Korea, Japan and Taiwan... I don't see how we are immune to it, just a matter of time ya noe... 

I don't know about you but for me, I think I will find supreme contentedness with earning $80k per month swatting flies and practising my 'Mikuru-beam' while partying like a rockstar across the globe 24/7.

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Alternate ways to spend your S10 million

1. -IMMA PUSSY N IM PROUD OF IT-

Yup, put your money in the bank and collect pathetic interest.

2. -MAKE OR BREAK-

 Unless you possess Gackt's REDEMPTIONNNNNNNNNNNNN, don't try this crazy ass stunt. Its    $10 million you are betting sweety-pie, this ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak, you are not gonna get a second shot if you fuck up.

3. -A NEW IDENTITY-

This is Woon before Plastic Surgery

This is Woon after Plastic Surgery

$10 million... Anything is possible, I can even turn Susan Boyle into Jennifer Aniston.

4. -WARREN BUFFETT NO.2-

Play the market and pray hard for no more future 'GREAT RECESSION' attacks

5. -TICKET TO HEAVEN-

Go ahead, donate your $10 million. Jebus would be proud.

6. -KISS MY ASS ROMAN ABRAMOVICH-

Of course you ain't buying FC Chelsea, its TAMPINES FUCKING ROVERS!!!

 

Sam singing to his $10 million dream

*Don't you ever leave the sight of me, Indefinitely not probably and honestly I'm down like the economy...*

The Male Test

Have you ever wondered for a moment (guys only) if you might be a male in body but female in mind? Fret not, Samuel The Great has decided to devise this legendary benchmark/test to prove your pitiful existence once and for all. ONLY APPLICABLE TO GUYS AGE 18-24

Introducing... THE MALE TEST!!!!!!!!!
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1. Movies

You know you are royally fucked if you haven't watch ANY of the above mentioned 3 films. Seriously man... I ain't shittin you, you are so so fucked. What have you been watching anyway, I'm really curious, Hannah Montana? Grow a deek, you robin-van-PuSsY.

2. Sports

If you can't name at LEAST one of these guys, you are either

a) Inflicted with down syndrome

b) Female

c) Dining with Zeus on Mount Olympus all the while

3. TV Shows

If you can't identify what these men do for a living or what show they feature in, perhaps you need your ass kicked.

4. Games

 

Never played any of these? Then I can safely assure you the 'M' written on your NRIC stands for 'Mistake' and not 'Male', FYL BRO!

5. Swearing

If you do not utter any of these words more than 5TIMES a day... NO, you are not classy, elegant or civilised. Ur a fucking fairy bitch!!! Exceptions are granted if you CUSS in hokkien, malay, chinese, cantonese, tamil etc... BTW Arsenal fanboys have to submit to ARSENE WANKER, its a must.

6. Shopping for clothing

This is pretty straight-forward.

0min - 10mins = Congrats, you are Samuel. You are cool (God).

11 - 30mins = Is there a long queue or are you an indecisive prick?

31 - 60mins = You better be trying to hook up with that hot casher or else NO EXCUSE...

1hr< = How about buying a plane ticket to Thailand for some... ya noe *AHEM* organ operation???

7. Hollywood crush

If you NEVER at one point of your life dreamed, wished, aspired or hoped to bed any of these women, I HEREBY GRANT YOU THE PERMISSION TO USE THE LADIES RESTROOM FROM NOW ON.

8. Self-defense

As a qualified male, you need to be able to name ALL 3 martial arts! If you can't, at least now you know how much you suck in life.

9. Unforgivable sins aka Death Penalty

a) Getting a facial treatment

b) Manicure

c) Owning more than 5 pairs of shoes

These sins are so deadly even Satan wouldn't dare take you in to hell for fear of defiling his humble abode. Don't count on the Olympians and their Tartarus abyss too, not gonna work. Just shoot yourself and hope you reborn as The Higgs boson to float around aimlessly in deep space for all eternity.

10) Music

If U2's -Elevation-, Oasis's -Wonderwall- or Motorhead's -Ace of Spades- (anyone of the above mentioned) never made an appearance in your itunes, winamp, windowsmediaplayer or creative playlist, tomorrow would be a good day to start wearing a skirt.

Ok that's all for now biatches!! Imma gonna get my BEAUTY sleep now...

AVATARD

Nearly everybody I spoke to LOVED the movie, Avatar. This really reinforces my stand that I am a genius because my brain functions spectacularly different from ordinary mortals. No, I don’t buy capitalistic mass-propaganda bullshit like Avatar, Religions and Crappy Music. A lot of people love these things because they have no fucking idea they are being brainwashed, forced or suckered into liking it.

As for the maiden post of HoneyHushHush, I decided to do a movie review on the most overrated film of all time, AVATARD, yeah TARD for retards.

Here are several reasons why AVATARD sucks
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1. James Cameron stole from Square Enix

 Visual information of Navi. Sorry Kimahri Ronso, FYL fug ur life

 Visual information of the Ronso race from FF-X. Is this Jake or some other random blue cat people, I can't tell because I couldn't bear wasting my brain space to store shit from this movie?

Nice name for a race anyway Cameron, Nazi opps my bad... Navi really sounds good, Hitler would be proud.


2. Excellent storyline

Apparently Cameron can’t stop his bad habit of plagiarizing and stealing from other sources. The storyline of AVATARD is basically ‘The Last Samurai’, 'Dances with Wolves' and ‘Pocahontas’. A foreign gwailo or race from planet X / country Y would be ‘captured’ while attempting to infiltrate some random community of weirdoes. During his ‘friendly’ stay as a Prisoner-Of-War, he would learn about the beauty and wonder of his captives and then turn his back on his former allegiance. Following that he would fight his former people and through some sheer-unbelievable luck, he would win OR at least make it out alive. Now here’s why Cameron treats us all as retards, YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE THE HUMANS WOULD LOSE TO A PRIMITIVE RACE USING MERELY BOWS AND ARROWS? If YES, then dear Cameron, why the fuck did you take so much effort to come up with the concept of giant Mech bots, mounted turrets and specialized missile gunships in the first place?

 my nice toy is only for show bro, I will die later in the movie because Cameron wills it lololol

3. $20million a FUCKING KG???????

Dude if unobtainium is worth $20 million/kg, I WOULDN'T EVEN BOTHER NEGOTIATING WITH THE NATIVES OR TRY TO WIN THEIR HEARTS. What's with this bullshit of teaching them English, giving them gifts or exchanging of culture. Please don't smokescreen us with crap like 'The shareholders are not pleased with using violence as it makes them look bad'. FUCK YOU _|_ + FUCK YOU very very muchhhh. At $20 million/kg, I think the shareholders would even send King Leonidas and Achilles to Pandora to wipe out all the Nazis, NO QUESTIONS ASKED! As 50kgs of that rock is worth $1billion, the entire land which the Hometree stood on would probably yield AT LEAST a few trillion$$$$. Yeah that is about the GDP of the entire USA in a fiscal year and SOOOO cute the HUMANS are trying TO NEGOTIATE HAHAHAHHAHAH effing joke!

 

madness???? THIS IS PANDORAAAAAAA!!!!!!

4. Year 2154

Seriously what's with the idea of flying a BOMBER in to destroy the Tree of Souls? That is so WW2, like using the B-29 to drop fatman and littleboy on Japan. At 2154, I expect the humans to pull off an exceptionally well-aimed tactical nuclear/antimatter ICBM at the Tree of Souls. In fact it's because the humans used this half-assed bomber that Jake had the chance to sabotage the exercise and screw up their grand plans TO SAVE THE DAY. Once again Cameron takes us for morons.

Jake practicing his jump: ORD LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. YOU WATCHED AVATARD BECAUSE

a) Graphics

b) Because everybody watched it, you bo pian have to watch (I love peer pressure)

c) Hate Titanic and want to topple its world record

d) First time wearing 3D googles

e) All of the above

ur doing it wrong gaga 

What I liked about AVATARD

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1. The Hometree going down, down, down, down, down... DOWN!!!!!! DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 Hmmm if the hometree goes down, does it count as the Scourge's victory???

2. Blue cat heroine crying like her CNY TOTO draw missed a single digit when her father ORDed

 

HUAT AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. The Nazis doing their CULT-dance to save the female researcher and Jake

For 300MANA, we can heal Jake of his insanity.

Is there anybody out there who thinks AVATARD is a piece of shit too?