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Honey Hush Hush

Why not? Smiling is free!

15.7.11

Pick your Poison

Finally an article about DotA, LoL and HoN


Defence of the Ancients


League of Legends


Heroes of Newerth


Yes I actually took the liberty to download and try out League of Legends and Heroes of Newerth. No particular reason why, just wanted to try them out and see if they sucked or not.

Both LoL and HoN are spinoffs of DotA and DotA is well… DotA
If you haven’t heard of it, there’s something going wrong in your life… and I’m being unconditionally serious.

To understand this article, you need prior knowledge of DotA or at least some related understanding of RTS games. Yeah this post is kinda male-centred… so if you are female and can fathom the gibberish here, congrats you are Konata.
cool story, sis


The objective of these games is pretty straightforward.
You pick a Hero, level it up and wreck havoc.

You win the game when you destroy the opponent’s main building.
I have no desire to go in-depth into the explanation of the game mechanics because that would take forever.


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Hero prowess & balance-

Out of the 3 games, Heroes from the DotA fraction are the most imbalanced/broken.
By saying imbalanced, I mean you can run a single Hero into the enemy base, kill 3-5 enemy Heroes and walk out UNSCATHED with or without ally support. The catch though… you have to be a very good player to pull that shit off. Faceless Void, Razor, Bone Fletcher, Troll Warlord etc…

CHAPUTAY.... DASTINGOooo
I KILL FOR U
WHERE CHU WANT ME GO
WHAT CHU WANT ME DO


In LoL, it’s impossible to replicate a 1-man show performance no matter how skilled you are. You will not make it out alive if you run into the enemy base hoping to create miracles. Mentioned earlier under the DotA column, you could choose to embrace ally support or not. Ally support is considered a privilege in DotA. If you have it, GOOD, life is so much more smooth sailing! Without it, well… still manageable albeit with greater difficulty.

In League of Legends, your allies are your LIFEBLOOD. This game is structured to heavily emphasize on teaming. When I say team-based, I damn right mean team-based. You will rely on your teammates right from the start till the end. That being said, if you have a feeder(person who dies ALOT) or dumbass(Keyboard warriors/MAVERICKS/clueless fucks) on your team, tough luck.

The late game(carry heroes) of DotA are many times stronger than those of League of Legends.

"If you are one who enjoys team-reliance, ganking and group orgies, League of Legends is THE game for you."

The Heroes of HoN are literally clones of those from DotA. 80% of the roster shares the same skills as their DotA compatriots. If a comparison has to be made, it’s probably the speed of gameplay.

The gameplay of HoN is relatively faster than that of DotA. God knows why, I just feel that everything seems to progress quicker in HoN. The scaling(levelling) of Heroes, the attack animations, the creep waves, the acquiring of items etc.

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Difficulty-


DotA: 7.5/10
It’s easy to pick up DotA but difficult to master. Its my sincere belief that "if you are good in DotA, you WILL BE GOOD in the other two”. After all, LoL and HoN are DERIVED from DotA. There is no excuse to suck in LoL or HoN if you are proficient in DotA.


LoL: 5.5/10
LoL is a noob-friendly game. The bar of difficulty has been watered down tremendously. Heck you don’t even lose gold when you get killed in LoL. Did I mention that there are quite a number of females playing LoL? Some of them are pretty good by the way. (Not back in the days of DotA where a female gamer equates to food lololol)


HoN: 8.5/10
HoN is conclusively NO NONSENSE. Nobody starts playing HoN without any prior DotA experience. 99% of HoN players are those who jumped ship from DotA.

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Graphics-

DotA: 7/10

LoL: Anime’ish/Cartoonish
Everything just looks so chibi and cute, sometimes there’s an innate resistance in you to hold back your MURDEROUS intents. Like… should I kill Annie?? She’s just a child(xiaomeimei). And… should you gank Veigar? He looks like that innocent blackmage from Final Fantasy 9.



HoN: 9/10
This is where HoN excels. Its graphics are NEW-AGE. You are literally gaming in HD.



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Items-

We shall use DotA as the benchmark for items. Although the items of HoN are similar to those of DotA, on careful inspection, you will realise that they are actually ‘gayer’. Not exceedingly ‘gayer’ than those of DotA but if we talk par-for-par, gold-for-gold, the items or HoN possess a slight element of superiority.

Classic items remain unchanged.
There is an equivalent for S&Y, Buriza, MKB, Heart, Butterfly and Basher in HoN.

In LoL, items elements are tremendously modified.
No more Guinsoo staff to turn enemies to helpless sheeps, no more Ice rings from Shiva’s guard, no more image splitting from Manta Style etc.

When item mechanics are changed, gameplay would be affected accordingly. That’s why for a player who jumps to LoL from DotA, he/she has a new set of rules to learn and master.

For example, there are items that can revive you on the spot when you die in LoL, there are items that can damage the opponent for a portion/percentage of their maximum health per hit, there are items that can permanently increase your mana pool as you cast spells or attack, there are items that grow stronger as you kill creeps or enemy heroes etc.

Whereas for a player who jumps to HoN from DotA, he/she isn’t learning anything new. It’s like playing a clone with better graphics, that’s all.

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Shopping-

Shopping is where HoN and LoL both fail.

Everything has been scripted to be bought in its entirety.
The player no longer has to buy the component parts to build or upgrade his/her items.

For example, in DotA if I want to create a Bracer, I would first have to buy the ingredients, circlet and gauntlet. After the ingredient items are bought, you proceed to buy the recipe to complete the item creation.

In LoL or HoN, if I want to buy a Bracer, all I need to do is to save enough money, click on the Bracer icon and the item would be assembled and added to my inventory. WTF! I can understand if you are trying to simplify the game but there is a fine line between facilitating and SPOON-FEEDING.

Adopt this lazy system of purchasing and players will never have the chance to learn about other items they seldom use. Would it be shocking if I told you I NEVER BOUGHT/TOUCHED half of the available items in LoL?

Because you just keep buying the same old items OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Like if the winning formula is this and this and this, you will just buy this and this and this ALL THE TIME!

The beauty of DotA is such that because you don’t confine players by subtly encouraging them to repeatedly buy the same old shit 99% of the time, players can CUSTOMISE and EXPERIMENT. Players from DotA mix and match their items for maximum effectiveness/potency. Players from LoL just follow a guided item path.

In DotA, a Bone Fletcher can be played in a thousand of ways. People have all sorts of combination for Bone Fletcher. Some like to buy Orchid M, others like to focus on attack speed, personally I go pure DPS and critical etc.

Just look at cousin cow’s Dragonknight or Slardar. He customises his items according to the situation. Whether he is required to tank, slay or farm… Whether I’m on his team or against him etc.

the quote "I'm Ready!" got Chin Nam slayed in the drinking game

Ben’s bloodmother differs from mine in terms of item build. Same hero, yet endless options. That's what makes DotA triumph over the other two.

Ultimately, item customisation is what leads to higher level play. Unfortunately in LoL, players lack the freedom of customisation.

If you encounter a Tryndamere, just take a look at his items.
Yup, it’s the same old shit you seen fighting the previous 20 Tryndameres.

in all seriousness guys, just Ignite him when he is in undying rage... lmao he's bound to die


Then you might be curious to know, why is it important to know every item even if you don’t use it?

Because knowing every item is an advantage, just as much as knowing every hero’s skill is. If you have knowledge of that particular item, you will be able to counter it. This is clearly lacking in LoL because people don’t bother countering items. They just gank you, push the lane and get over and done with.

Now you’re starting to see my point of LoL being a very straightforward(easy) game. In DotA, right from the first item you buy to the last item you get, I would counter accordingly. That’s the reason why I win… most of the time lol

Ok another reason is my supernatural farming rate


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Gameplay-

Denying is totally taken out in LoL.

Rune bonuses like invisible, double damage, image and regen have been removed as well.

In LoL, to acquire a rune bonus, you have to slay a specific creep.
Upon slaying the creep, it will confer to you a short duration buff.

Towers are in short, very powerful in LoL as compared to DotA or HoN.
Rushing a tower (tower diving) is generally considered suicide.
In LoL, you will learn to RESPECT TOWERS.

All 3 games retain their ‘Roshan’ equivalents. Slaying him gains a gold bonus to the team. In LoL, an additional team buff is granted on top of the gold bonus.



In LoL, there is a new gameplay element added called Brush. Brush is basically a patch of tall grass whereby if you walk into it, you gain invisibility. Only those in the Brush can see you. So if you are in the Brush, the enemy has to get into the Brush as well in order to target you.



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Leaving-

Dota has 2 downfalls, one of the them is caused by leavers.
Leavers spoil the game we all know that.

In LoL, when you leave or disconnect, you will be given the option to reconnect back to the game while it’s still in progress.
If you leave with no intention of returning, the system will record your negative behaviour. If you accumulate a high amount of leaves, you will be banned from LoL. They call it the Leaver Buster system to deter leaving.

LoL understands that sometimes players have no choice but to leave because their team comprises of 2 feeders and 2 dumbshits. Thus they added a function called Surrender.

(just imagine teaming up with 4 Jinn Queks... it happens and you might very well be the next victim!!!)

To surrender, 4 out of 5 players must agree to it. After agreeing, the game is conceited and the opponent team wins.

Surrendering can only be done 20mins into the game.

There will still be times when you have feeders and dumbshits in your team and they REFUSE to surrender when you choose to. That is when you will RAGE and go AFK or something… These are worst case scenarios though…

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Security-

The 2nd downfall of DotA, Maphack.

So far, I haven’t heard complains of Maphacking in LoL or HoN. I suppose they did well in the field of disabling external softwares/applications.

In DotA, you can use many external softwares/applications. People name spoof, custom-kick, maphack, custom UI, banlist, auto-host etc.

All these are eradicated in LoL and HoN.

A fair playing field is a better playing field. (PAP, take the hint...)

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Additional features-

You know what is retarded in LoL?
You don’t get to use all the heroes in the roster.
You have to UNLOCK them.

For example, if there are 50 heroes in all.
Each week, only 14 heroes will be available for choosing.
The rest are locked.

To use them, you have to unlock them by purchasing them with virtual credits.
These virtual credits by gained by playing LoL matches.
If you win matches, you get more credits. If you lose matches, you get credits too, just lesser.

When you decide to use your credits to unlock a hero, he/she/it would be available for selection then. Good thing is, unlocking a hero is permanent.
Nevertheless this is outright ridiculous. The fuck do I have to spend credits(which in reality is TIME) to unlock heroes???

Can’t they just let us USE THEM ALL? Like in DotA or HoN?

Then I found out that it’s a bloody marketing scheme.

You can use garena shells to unlock heroes too. And yup you guessed it, garena shells are bought using REAL LIFE CURRENCY.

So you either accumulate in-game credits which take eternity to hoard or the easy way out, spend real money.

It’s like a cashshop.
And never in my wildest dreams have I imagined that a RTS game like LoL could inculcate a cashshop into it.

Man… the things people do for money

You know back in MMORPGs, cashshops sell alternate costumes too? Tired of your mage looking like every other mage in the server? Tired of being just another generic digit? You can now be different with a new costume. Stand out from the crowd!

Folks, heroes in LoL have alternate costumes… This is BS, utter BS.
Now bring this back to DotA’s context, imagine Lina Inverse wearing a Bikini… or Zeus wearing SAF’s no.4

boiboi


Of course like I said, it’s a commercial tactic.
And unless you are stinking rich, don’t buy any of those alternate costumes shit… it’s a waste of money.



In LoL, heroes are known as Champions.
You(the user) are known as a Summoner.
Summoners can level up and gain new abilities as well.
These abilities are used in-game to aid your Champions.

There are 2 skill categories.
One which comes from your Champion
Eg. Bone Fletcher
Fire Arrow, Windwalk, Strafe and Deathpact

The other, your Summoner’s skills.
Which could be some healing, damage, support spells of your choosing.
You can only have 2 active Summoner skills at one time.

So effectively, in battle you have 6 skills.
4 from your Champion and 2 from your Summoner.
Not to mention every Champion has an inherent ability. So it’s actually 7 skills but to reduce confusion, let’s just peg it as 6 active skills.

HoN has a similar cashshop and trust me, it’s far more absurd. You can purchase alternative costumes, announcer packs, account icons (WTF!@#!@) etc.

Announcer packs for example, altering your hero’s speech/voice, the killing streak announcements like Mmmmmmonster Kill, HOLYYYY SHITTT and all can be changed IF you are willing to spend. Changed to what? That I have no idea. Maybe from Holyyyy Shittt to “I JUST HAD SEX”.


Shouldn’t these games be a competition which pits skills against skills? Why is it becoming more of a beauty pageant?


An interesting feature of LoL is the rune book. In LoL, you can purchase runes (virtual credits) to add a permanent bonus to your heroes.

For example if you purchase a rune which adds 1.5% movement speed, when you equip that rune to your rune book, your heroes would all gain additional 1.5% movement speed in-game.

Positive aspect, encourage gamers to play more to improve their heroes.
Negative aspect, unfair.

Now tell me how the fuck is a newbie supposed to fight an experienced player who has completed his rune book???

It’s like both of them choose the same hero.
We use Bone Fletcher as an example again. (Poor Bone)

Newbie’s Bone Fletcher is “What you see is What you get”.
The experienced player’s Bone Fletcher has “+15% critical strike rate, +3% movement speed and +10 health Regen per 5seconds”.

In-game, both Bone Fletchers are Level 1. But as you can see, one player has a VAST advantage over the other thanks to his completed rune book.

So if these two Bones clash in the same lane, you will soon realise the disparity and unfairness I’m talking about.

In DotA, there is no such nonsense.
If you are Level 1 and I am Level 1, none of us has a distinct advantage over the other. We challenge each other based on our individual skills and I win because I’m good or I lose because I suck. I don’t lose because some dick has a completed rune book which I obviously don’t stand a chance against.

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Community-

DotA’s community is rather non-existent. It’s a top down management system whereby IceFrog and his team dictates, the rest follows. If there is a new patch, you just download it, shut up and play.

In LoL and HoH, they have their respective forums or communities where they can propose new hero/item ideas, gameplay suggestions, bugs fixtures etc.

This is an area where DotA can strive to improve.

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Looking Forward-

DotA 2 is on the way. Not sure when it’s going to be released but will most probably give it a try when it’s out. As for now, I’ll be sticking to LoL. 

(Then again WHEN THE HELL IS DIABLO3 GONNA BE RELEASED?)

hurry the FUCK UP man Blizzard, THE WHOLE WORLD IS WAITING


HoN, no thanks! I did not impose a hiatus from DotA to play something practically identical.

If you play LoL, you may add me (ManaGothic) as a friend and we can game together… LIKE A BOSS
But be warned, I'm allergic to gamers with bad attitudes! I am fine playing with newbies but if you display unsportsmanlike behaviour, you'll be out of my list real soon.



This will be the last post on HoneyHushHush.blogspot as the blog is currently going through a revamp.

The new site will be done up HOPEFULLY by early August.

Yeap im pressuring my web designer friend like crazy heheheheh

2.4.11

Sorry but you are an invalid option



Ya know I’m a pretty calm and collected person… I seldom lose my temper and my tolerance threshold is rather commendable.


I attribute this to 2 of my individualistic mannerisms


  1. I don’t usually give a fuck about insignificant things. I’m a messy person by nature, I’m lazy, my favourite pastime is napping, I’m unholy (according to my sis I have no FAITH because I am an atheist) but still… despite all these shortcomings, when you look at me, you’ll realise that I still have my way around life. I am not directionless, I am not without a purpose or a goal, I am not struggling or desperately pleading for some sort of assistance etc. That’s because I focus on what’s important! Small things… don’t waste my time. I’m a bigger picture kind of guy. Having a “Bo-chap” mentality is good because you will not sulk over minor things. A word of caution though, if you wanna ‘Bo-chap’, you have to ensure that you only ignore inconsequential stuff (trivial matters).

  1. Level of maturity. If you’re a childish or immature person, you will lose your temper ALL THE TIME. If you are stupid, chances are you get easily agitated as well. Let me put it this way, if some idiot is out to annoy you; you can choose to ignore or retaliate. By ignoring, you save yourself from blowing your top, by retaliating, you bring yourself to his level (yup, the level of stupidity). I once read this funny saying, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt”. And why can you never win idiots in an argument??? Because they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience… Thus, it never fails to amaze me when I see keyboard warriors thrashing it out over cyber banter.

the 3g army SAF so desires



Today’s article will be about the THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF!!!!#$#@%$


Remember, if you can make it to my list (the list of a guy with a very good temper), it means that you have reached a whole new degree of ‘moronness’. Congrats on scaling the apex of nonsensicality.



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Password Suggest


On a irritancy scale of 1 – 10

1 being docile and utterly harmless (cloud gazing)
3 being mild (ice-cream melting before you can finish eating it)
5 being considerable (hokkien mee aunty got your order wrong and you’re starving)
7 being pain in the arse (failing your driving test for the 5th time)
10 being IMMA FUCKING TAKE A KNIFE, PLUNGE IT THROUGH YOUR HEART, GRIND YOUR BONES TO DUST AND STIR FRY YOU TO EXTINCTION (justin bieber holding a gig in your room)





I would classify Password Suggest as an eleven!!!!! 11!!!! 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Password Suggest is hands down the fucking stupidest idea ever conceived by humankind.

For those of you who are lost, Password Suggest is the system prompting you OR rather DENYING YOU your password selection/choice when you are creating an account.





Here is a fictional scenario painted for the convenience of your understanding-

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REGISTER NOW AND STAND A CHANCE TO WIN A FREE TRIP TO KOREA TO MEET THE BROWN EYED GIRLS

Narsha is da bomb

Sam: Wahhhhhhh!!! (Hyperventilating)

Sam: IM GOING TO SIGN UP THIS VERY SECOND LOLOLOL
*chucks PR textbook aside*

Sam: Ok… so my user name shall be I_LUV_NARSHA_1988

Sam: First Name, Samuel

Sam: Surname, Lim

Sam: password shall be… hmm… since I’m so forgetful, just put my name la, samuel

System1: Invalid password, password cannot be your name

Sam: oh ok… then samuelthegod

System1: Invalid password, password cannot CONTAIN your name

Sam: What??? Zzz k then lubu


System1: Invalid password, password is too short

Sam: knn… then lubulubulubulubulubu

System1:: Invalid password, password must contain alphanumerical characters

Sam: this is fucking retarded! Arghhh then lubulubu5$

System1: Congratulations your account is created =)

Sam: FINALLY!!!!!



*2months later, contest announcement day*

Sam: HAHAHA NARSHA HERE I COME

she's waiting 4 me


Sam: Ok... I_LUV_NARSHA_1988

Sam: Password, Samuel

System2: Wrong password

Sam: Eh?

Sam: samuelthegod

System2: Wrong password

Sam: wtf!?!?! Why like that, OMG HEAVEN DON’T PLAY THIS TYPE OF PRANK ON ME LEH!!!

Sam: password

System2: Wrong password

Sam: thiswebsiteisgay

System2: Wrong password asshole but nice try

Sam: LOLLLL WHAT DID I JUST READ??????? LOLLLLLLLLL

Sam: haizya fuck it la, password recall

System2: To enable password retrieval, please key in the following

CAPTCHA


Sam: WAH KNN THIS ONE IS FOR WHO TO READ DE???? E.T. ISSIT??? DO I LOOK LIKE A ZERGLING TO YOU????


hydralisk on crack

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See I can fathom the reasoning behind Password Suggest. It’s to prevent stupid people from getting hacked because they always type generic passwords that give hackers a REALLY GOOD TIME….


Having a generic password is akin to facilitating a hacker in his craft. Don’t allow him to break into your account EFFORTLESSLY… it’s an insult to your intelligence really.


BUT HOW ABOUT “CAPTCHA”
“captcha” are those screenshots you seen earlier


It’s to make certain that the person typing in the information is indeed a ‘person’ and not a computer.


OK BUT THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TRY AND FUCK ME UP BY MAKING THE FONTS ILLEGIBLE?!?!? Cannot use Arial or Times New Roman? Have to use those LJBIN fonts that even people with perfect eyesight (me) cant make them up? I activated my Sharingan to aid in deciphering the Captcha but guess what, I FAILED.


fail whale knows i have failed


To those CAPTCHA programmers, for goodness sake, did 4 years in computing faculty mess up your common sense or something?

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Wife: Our baby so cute… lets name him Sheldon

Sam: Good choice honey! Then he will grow up to be as smart as Sheldon Cooper



Doctor: Sorry that is an inappropriate name, your baby was born on November, it’s our Hospital’s policy that babies born on November cannot have names starting with ‘S’.

Wife: Er ok how about Wen Xuan

Sam: Sounds good

Doctor: Sorry but our hospital is angmoh pai, you cannot choose a chinese name…

Wife: what…??

Sam: Ok we will name him Donnie



Doctor: Sorry but the couple opposite your bed, their baby already name Donnie, so you cannot copy him…

Sam: Oie doctor, what is this? Am I on a gameshow or something? Are there cameras hidden around here, am I on punk’d?

Doctor: Hospital policy, sorry for inconvenience.

Sam: BUT I DIE DIE ALSO WANT NAME MY SON DONNIE LEH!! WHAT CAN YOU DO???

Doctor: You can add a digit or sign behind his name to differentiate YOUR Donnie from THEIR Donnie.

Doctor: Like that maybe I can close an eye and let this slip.

Sam: Piang… so ma-huan…. Ok then we name him Donnie The First _1

Doctor: Excellent choice, all the best for your parenting days ahead!

Doctor: NURSE!!! Register name

Nurse: Son’s name?

Sam: Donnie The First_1

Nurse: Sir you be serious ah, I very busy one leh, don’t waste my time!

Sam: REALLY! Donnie The First_1

Nurse: SIR ONE MORE TIME YOU DONNIE THE FIRST_1 ME I CALL THE POLICE I TELL YOU

Sam: YOU GO ASK DOCTOR BENG LA!!!

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God damn. It’s my son I name him whatever I want. Just like it’s my password, I name it whatever I want. Case closed.

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Automated Operators

Every tried calling your mobile/internet provider only to slam the phone in disgust after 3mins?

Sam: Wah the starhub CHUI… DUNO WHY THEY CALL THEMSELVES STARHUB, SHOULD JUST RENAME TO LAGHUB. NB PLAY 1 DOTA LAG LAG LAG , CAST ONE EPICENTRE HAVEN EVEN SEE ONE RING COME OUT I WAITING FOR REVIVAL LIAO, PU BOR!!!

Sam: I gonna call starhub and KAN them now.
*dials in to starhub*

Automated1: Welcome to Starhub. For English Press 1, For Chinese Press 2, For Malay Press 3, For Tamil Press 4, For Na’vi Language Press 5, For LOLSPEAK Press 6

cruise is that you bro??? wtf has Scientology done to your brain


Sam: ~1

Automated1: Thank you for your selection, for general enquires Press 1, for customer service Press 2, for latest promotions and deals Press 3, for all other matters Press 4, for KPKB please hang up.

Sam: ~2

Automated1: Thank you for your selection, for male speaker Press 1, for female speaker Press 2, for SWEETYOUNGTHING/chiobu/SPG Press 3, for LGBT Press 4

she's glowing


Sam: WAH!!! LOLLLLLLL ~3

Automated1:  Thank you for your selection, please wait while our friendly service attendants get back to you shortly.
*BGM*

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*15mins later* (Sam had enough time to take a bath, make a warm cup of milo and prepare a short speech to deliver to the prospective babelicious phone operator)

everybody's dream vehicle, the MILO VAN
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Automated1: Sorry due to overwhelming island wide demand for selection 3, all our operators are currently unavailable. You may make another selection or continue waiting.

Sam: PERSEVERE!!! I’LL WAIT

Automated1: If that is your final answer Press 1, if you wish to phone a friend Press 2, if you would like to poll the audience Press 3, if you need extra time to think Press 4



Sam: ~1

Automated1: Thank you for your selection, please wait while our friendly service attendants get back to you shortly.

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*another 15mins*
-

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Automated1: Sorry due to overwhelming island wide demand for selection 3, all our operators are currently unavailable. You may make another selection or continue waiting.

Sam: FUUUUUuuuu myyyyyy lifeeeeeeeeeeeeee I FEEL LIKE MURDERING SOMEONE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Automated1: If your murder weapon of choice is a knife Press 1, golf club Press 2, M4A1Carbine Press 3…   ………      ………     ….



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SERVICE PROVIDERS, PLEASE NOTE! 95% of your callers who call in have a problem that needs to be solved (the sooner the better). We are not calling in intending to have a nice conversation with any of your staffs. So do away with that fucking automated crap, it just PISSES US MORE. When someone calls in, just IMMEDIATELY divert the damn call to a service attendant. SOLVE OUR PROBLEM AND WE WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE. Like seriously, who the fuck actually calls in to ENQUIRE ABOUT PROMOTIONS??? Or perhaps they were expecting people to call in to COMPLIMENT their services???? Screw this, why is the society flooded with so much dumbness these days…


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Autotaps/Sensor taps


These things NEVER work on me. I have no bloody idea why.
No matter how frantic my hand movements are, the sensors remain unconvinced.

hi my name is Bob and i'm a failed experiment


Imagine yourself at a high-class venue (hotel, restaurant etc.), you walk into the restroom, do your business walk out and try to wash your hands BUT THE EFFING THING ISN’T WORKING


But fear not!!! There are 6 taps, 1 of them HAS TO WORK


So from tap 1, I shift myself to tap 2, then to tap 3, tap 4 so on….


At every tap I have to perform the same rabid motion of swinging my hands around trying to get the tap to work



I LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE RETARD and I feel like a deranged fool with a severe case of OCD.

Those people sharing the same restroom as me, those civilised uncles, they must be thinking, this boyboy is siao.

zou jieming only eat chocolate, not medicine


AND TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY


THEY SUCCEED AT THE FIRST TRY


I always observe others.


WHEN THEY PUT THEIR HANDS THERE, IT WORKS! The tap obeys!!!!!!!!!!


WTF THIS IS REALLY MINDFUCK!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????
ISSIT THE TAP CANNOT DETECT ME BECAUSE I AM OF DIVINE HERITAGE/BLOODLINE????? ARE THE TAPS ONLY MORTAL-FRIENDLY?????? OR ARE MY TAP-ACTIVATION TECHNIQUES TOTALLY HAY WIRED???????



CAN’T THEY JUST SWITCH BACK TO THE TRADITIONAL TAPS???????
All these talk about saving water… YEAH RIGHT!


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Ok peeps have been mailing me requesting for a hyperlink at the bottom of my posts that enables linking to facebook, twitter blabblah so they can share my blog.

First off, thanks for your interest in my blog. To be honest though, I’m still exploring that function trying to figure out how to add it. LOL yes I am a template newbie I don’t deny that…

If you are kind enough, please assist. Till then cya!

10.3.11

hey Babe you look Great, oh Wait...

what is that you’re holding?

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A common misconception is that smoking makes you cool. It supposedly delivers an image of maturity and coming of age to the one who embraces the white stick.


Here’s a list of other things I personally find cool as well

a)   Freefalling without a parachute.
b)      Diving headfirst into a swimming pool, a drained one.
c)      Skateboarding across a busy traffic junction.


I don’t see you picking that up? Why?
Because it’s illogical, some might even term it, insane.

Now you can choose to spend your hard-earned money on things which could entertain/beautify your life and perhaps make you a happier person OR alternatively, you could spend your hard-earned money for a chance at obtaining cancer.




Yup! You are buying cancer
Remember
Out of your own pockets
For something so adverse

D-0 double G



Look, I’m not a fucking Government Health promoter, neither am I an anti-smoking activist. I’m here writing this shit for the benefit of the people I care for. 


Honestly if you’re a stranger to me, I don’t give a flyingfuck if you smoke and die. That equates to having one less moron in this world. One less person snatching my precious oxygen on planet Earth and trust me when I say, “I would be heartened by your demise”. You rightfully & royally deserved it.



Why do you smoke?

Top 3 reasons (excuses)

1)      As mentioned early, the ‘cool’ factor
2)      The Peer Pressure
3)      Stress

Just because your favourite actor/singer smokes doesn't warrant you the right to follow suit. Even if you mimicked them, you wouldn't be half as cool anyway... admit it, so stop tryin!


And WHO THE FUCK linked smoking to coolness in the first place???
What a douche. 

When you go clubbing and you see a bunch of smokers, do you them find dashing, enchanting or alluring?
No...
In fact I find them repulsive. 

Imagine if Justin Bieber started smoking, Tobacco companies would be laughing their way to the bank...
(the whole muthafukin' mob of teens gonna start puffin')



The Peer Pressure factor. From astute observation of smokers around me, I noticed that many of them succumbed to smoking after continued influence from their peers. These are not your ordinary peers, they are the ones you hang out with on a regular basis.

Let’s not shit ourselves here, if I have a group of friends whom I meet up with only once a month/forthnight, what are the chances of them influencing me?
Very slim, shady.



Ahhh the irony of it… The group you hold so dear to yourself harms you in an indirect manner. Worse still, the influence is often applied in a subtle and unknowing approach which lets your guard down.

“These are my closest friends… why would they hurt me? We just wanna have fun!”

You can only defend against peer pressure with something called A Firm Stance.
A ‘No’ is a ‘No’. A true friend will not force something on you which you are strongly against.

For those who smoke because you wish to integrate into a certain group of friends or gain their approval, you will look back in 20 maybe 30 years time and regret your decision but its DIU LEIIII TO APOLOGISE… I SAID ITS DIU LEIIII



The Stress factor. Dissecting internet usage in my family, dad is often on Youtube, sis on chat/messengers and me on games & pornresearch. We all do different things online but fall under the same umbrella of ‘internet users’. [Mom is not counted; she is watching retarded Korean dramas]

a Korean friend of mine in 10years time

When you are feeling stressed out, you can choose to relieve your stress through MANY avenues just like how internet can be used in 10000000001 ways. You don’t necessarily have to smoke you know?


You can go for a jog, down a bottle of vodka, take a wank, read a book, insult Manchester United on their official forum/fanpage, kill some n00bs on COD, pray to Huat Zai Ye, learn about the female anatomyresearch, take a wank, stalk someone on Facebook, phone Ayumi Ho for mahjong session, kick a dog, hide your neighbour’s slippers/shoes, listen to JPop Perfume, take a wank etc…

yeah i have 2 testicles, why do you ask?

Dummy's guide to 'How to Spot A Pedo'



THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO TO RELIEVE STRESS!!!
HOMGGGGGG ZOMMMGG ZOMGIADDDD IM GONNA COME!!!!! ROFLLOLOLOLOLCOPTERRRR I NEED A DOCTOR CALL ME A DOCTOR I NEED A DOCTOR TO BRING ME BACK TO LIFE BRING ME BACK TO LIFE BRING ME BACK TO LIFE BRING ME BACK~~~~~



The next time someone tells you, “I smoke because I’m stressed”.
Counter with a, “when I’m feeling stressed, I feed my unicorn with weed. By the way he came from Narnia and his name is Charlie”.


p.s. The part about listening to Perfume to relieve stress is bs! I put it there just to trick stupid sheeps. Perfume (group) has been tested & proven to exponentially worsen your condition and add to the headache you are already suffering from.





Image

Girls Girls Girls… Image is EVERYTHING. When we boys were young, our mamas would tell us, ‘girls who smoke = bad girls… don’t ever bring them home for me to see…’

This is called social conditioning. We have been indoctrinated and brought up to associate girls who smoke in a negative manner and girls who don’t in a positive light.

You may be highly educated. You may have a gorgeous face. You may have a heart of Mother Teresa.




BUT


*WHEN YOU SMOKE*



POOF!
Your image entirely goes down down down down down downnnnnnn downnnnnnnn the drain.










(Smoking rule doesn't apply to girls with big boobs, you are still cool even if you smoke. 
0 loss of image no worries =))) we are totally fine with big boob girls who smoke and I speak for ALL straight guys. damn… the perks of being well endowed)

smoking rule doesn't apply to Kim

 
Look ladies I agree that this unspoken 'smoking rule' is a shallow form of judgement but the stereolovetype has clouded the minds of a good proportion of the male population. Not every guy you meet is going to accept you for who you are. First impressions often leave the deepest impressions.


They may compromise on the basis of love but spare a thought for them. You all know deep down it affects them to have a partner who smokes. You can deny all you want but ask any male friend. Ask both the non-smoking and smoking ones. Ask them if they are absolutely OK and FINE with a smoking partner and won’t attempt to change her smoking habits. ASK FOR AN HONEST OPINION!

Those who answered,
YES I AM OK AND FINE WITH A SMOKING PARTNER AND WON’T EVER EVER ATTEMPT TO CHANGE HER SMOKING HABITS!

Then these are my questions to them:

‘Are you serious about her?’
‘Are you planning to start a family with her?’
‘Are you aware of the potential harm smoking can cause not only to you (passive smoker) but also to your future child (if you’re planning to have one)?’
‘Are you a fan of Manchester United?’ (ok that is irrelevant)
‘Do you want your child to pick up smoking from his/her mother?’
‘Do you want your wife to empty your Medisave/bank account should you ever have to pay for her chemotherapy treatment?’ (don’t eliminate the possibility of cancer, its always there)
‘Can you bear to lose her?’ (smoking claims lives, can’t deny that eh)

If he is still adamant,
YES I AM OK AND FINE WITH A SMOKING PARTNER AND WON’T EVER EVER ATTEMPT TO CHANGE HER SMOKING HABITS!


And even fucking repeats it with greater conviction and fervor,
YES I AM OK AND FINE WITH A SMOKING PARTNER AND WON’T EVER EVER ATTEMPT TO CHANGE HER SMOKING HABITS!


Then I guess I’m cornered and can only retort,
‘Sir, I believe Manchester United is the right club for you, thank you and have a nice day.’


In all seriousness, decent guys will mind and at least give some thought to those questions mentioned above. I use the term decent guys here because I know ahbengs and all won’t give a fuck. They are either too stupid to critically evaluate or too busy hacking people in Downtown East to pay attention to such minute YET SIGNIFICANT details.

Hey it’s your life, not mine. If you screw it up, there ain’t no reset button yo.


So all the Lengluis out there, next time when you are meticulously applying your E-TOOD HOUSE make-up to achieve that ideal appearance, take a moment to do a simple reflection 
'Why The Fuck am I wasting so much time dolling up when the effing cigarette is gonna tarnish my image anyway?’




Moral Evaluation

I have a lecturer who used to lobby for Tobacco companies. In short, her job was to promote the sale of tobacco to the public through Public Relations. Typical PR job, boost reputation of firm, advocate superiority of product, obtain greater market share, generate more revenue blabblahlab

She also told us that she and her team had to at one point craft a PR strategy/campaign to persuade Minister Mentos LaoLee (then, Prime Minister) to allow Tobacco companies to continue plying their trade in Singapore. LaoLee was against smoking, he wanted to ban smoking in Singapore and shoo all these foreign vices out. He gave in only because those PR peeps mindfucked him into believing that the existence of Tobacco activity in Singapore would ultimately provide benefits to society in the long run. (example, high taxes on cigarettes could be used to fund social/welfare programmes) LMAO!!!! The power of PR, the power of Professional BullShitting. If She and her team were unsuccessful, LaoLee would have completely eradicated smoking in Singapore by year 2000 through a stiff ban policy (recall chewing gums).

yeah but it worked on LaoLee

She finally quitted her job at the continuous urging of her husband who convinced her from the ethical point of view, “Honey… you can’t be selling cancer to youths.”

She was a Senior PR consultant from a reputable firm so you can have a pretty rough gauge of her salary eh (coupled with many years of practical experience). She came to terms with herself that what she had been doing all along was fundamentally ‘wrong’.

This episode just goes to show that LaoLee really possessed superhuman foresight. Genius means genius, boh beh zao! TAO NAO HO ma si TAO HAO HO, BO PIAN EH…

he looks older than Yoda and mind you, Yoda is 800+!??!




Social smoking

You know back in Tampines Junior College. I was in a group of 7 guys (miserable… tak love from girls cause we suck) called 7 Flowers. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Take a minute to digest that. 7 FLOWERS. 7 FUCKING FLOWERS. SAMUEL THE GREAT FROM 7 FLOWERS.

Then we decided our name was too retarded and we changed it to 7 Swords (after that Donnie Yen movie).

I think the girls were sick of our BS and started calling us Qi Dui Sai aka 7 Shits
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I shan't post a picture because I looked disgus-tipating (digusting till you constipate) back then. It's hard to believe that I flawlessly evolved to become such a Takuya Kimura now.

For the sake of this article, I reserve the right to address us by the more honourable 7 Swords.

There was this one guy from 7 Swords who was EXTREMELY, ANAL’LY against smoking. Whenever we discussed or brought up the topic of smoking, he would like somewhat flare up or becoming highly engaged. You could see the raging vigour from his eyes.




Here are some excerpts from his speech, (as retrieved from my sharingan memory)

“KNN FUCKING AH BENGS AND THEIR SIANNINGS”
“I WILL NVR SMOKE LIKE THEM, BUNCH OF SELLOUTS”
“I won’t smoke la…”



Funny how time changes people.



I am not slandering/defaming him, he’s a very close friend of mine and I genuinely want him to change for the better (drop that smoking vice). If he tells me that he NEVER had a staunch anti-smoking mentality during that period of time and I am merely fabricating tales, then I will apologise for my poor recollection and scrape this entire entry.


Folks, smoking is smoking.
There is no difference between smoking and social smoking.


Killing 1 person is considered committing Murder.
Killing 5 people is also considered committing Murder.
Killing 10 people in a row without dying is called Beyond Godlike, Holyshittt (ok ignore this line lol)
Killing 25 people over a period of 845 days is STILL Murder.



So moral of the story? If you have to commit murder, take down AS MANY AS YOU CAN WITH YOU because heck… ur gonna have to die anyway! Might as well pull off a Hitler/Stalin and go to the afterlife with a frag tally of 6million<   
Bragging Rights homie... BRAGGING RIGHTS FTW!



When you tell someone that you are merely social smoking. The joke is on you.


Just think about it, all these blatant excuses and covering up, to deceive who???


You are deceiving yourself. Your friends won’t give a fuck if you aren't willing to heed their advices. They are not the ones who will run the risk of contracting cancer (unless they tio from passive smoking then really suay ga lau sai). When you are suffering in the hospital, he/she would just be there with a snobbish, ‘I Told Cha Bro/Sista, You Wouldn’t Listen’.


Social Smoking, please… Stop using this term already. This is an appeal to all ma’ fellow Singaporeans, not just readers of this blog. We should start a ‘social’ movement to ban this term.



“ARE YOU A MURDERER???”
“eh dun classify me as murderer leh, I part-time murderer nia…”




Quit

I will Quit!

The smokers’ equivalent of Cristiano Ronaldo’s “I will Stop Womanising”.

this is not womanising btw, this is BROMANCE


If social smoking tackled the (internal) aspect of lying to self.
Then, I will quit! tackles the (external) aspect of lying to others.


Because when you lie… you have to consider all the stakeholders/parties.
That is the Art of Lying Effectively!
That is the Formula for making people Love The Way You Lie!
Start Lying like a Pro today!
(Email me for private tuition, rates negotiable)


If I can get a dollar from every smoker for every I will Quit! uttered from their mouths, I will be crusin’ to Japan in my luxury Yacht already.

Japan. A land where the lines of reality and fiction are blurred. 

Like a G6 Like a G6…
Feeling so FLY~~


Word of Advice

Quitting is never easy. It’s about discipline and accumulated determination. It’s a feat accomplished by actions, not words.

If you don’t want to go through this daunting process, don’t start.





Why I don’t smoke

I have lost an uncle to smoking many years back. No matter how hard I tried, it was impossible for me to grasp or even empathise with the pain endured by his son. The pain of losing a loved one, a someone immensely dear to you. 

I took a stand since, I swore off smoking. I always reminded myself that if I smoke, the same scenario could happen to my son one day. I find comfort in knowing that his son, my cousin abstains from smoking with a very focused self-discipline. He understands it better than I do and will always be and remain a moral role model for me.





These are my thoughts on smoking, would be great if it enlightened or influenced you a little. I felt the need to write this as my closest group of friends is swarming with smokers. Non smokers are a minority in our group, do you guys realise the gravity of the issue we're facing? Even my best friend smokes despite my repeated cautioning and lengthy sermons.


I will say it one last time for the people I care:


“If I don’t know you, I won't give a fuck if you live or die. It’s because you mean something to me that I bother. The most I can do is to advise, the choice and decision is yours and yours alone.”



To the rest of you who smoke:



you have no idea how much your $10.80/packet helps the society