Imperative Knowledge

God damn effing long time since I last updated.

Heres the rationality behind my disappearing act

1- Absence makes the heart grow fonder. (This way I would be missed by all my readers Har haR hAr HAR)

2- Liverpool and Spain needs me at this crucial moment. (Its hard being Torres you know, having to juggle soccer and dodge the legion of relentless fangirls)

3- If I am able to squeeze out any free time, I am either a) sleeping b) dotaing c) reading d) mousehunting or e) youtubing

4- Fuck after typing out point 3, I came to a sudden stark realization that I don't have much of a L-I-F-E. And that effectively cancels out my right of using the term FML anymore because.... I HAVE NO L-I-F-E TO START OFF WITH, JESUS CHRIST!!! I need to dig a hole and DODO myself to extinction this very second.
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Recently I became aware of a greater number of EMO COWS surfacing around me.

Not my cousin! To clear all existing doubts once and for all, my cousin is known as EMOO COW, not EMO COW. Its a special title bestowed upon him by Samuel 'Fernando Torres' The Great after he severed all ties with his HIGHLAND CATTLE relatives.

this is my cousin

EMO COWS are basically people who are EMO.

this is an emo cow

They get agitated easily
They get anal over exceptionally minute matters
They get offended over the slightest of issues
They get suicidal thoughts popping up every now and then


To make life easier for both parties, you should

1- Ignore them. An EMO person is by default an attention seeker/whore. If he/she can't get his/her daily dosage of attention or butt-secks, withdrawal symptoms will kick in and wrist-slashing activities will commence.

2- Help them to become UN-EMO. In all seriousness though, this is a titanic task! Its like asking Samuel to stop being so awesome, as you can see... nearly an impossibility.

3- Duke it out with them. Sample lines to use in battle against an EMO COW- Stop Crying Your Heart Out / JESUS DON'T YOU LOVE ME / ORD LOH / Well I may be wrong and all but YOU'RE STILL FAT / 好狗不挡路 (direct translation) Good dog don't block road

bad doggie

4- The Final Solution. Lead them to a Gas Chamber and Hilter them off to the underworld. Can't find a Gas Chamber in Singapore? No Prob-blreum, just bring them to Little India.

5- Eat more MEGA MAC burgers!!! Yes, those unforgiving burgers with 4 BEEF PATTIES. The more MEGA MAC burgers you eat, the more cows they will have to slaughter and the faster the EMO COWS population will dwindle.

an emo cow's greatest nightmare

6- *Not recommended* 'If you can't beat them, join them'. Simply coz EMO COWS don't harass their own kind.

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Always remember, to reach the high standards of Samuel 'Fernando Torres' The Great, you have to develop an immunity to EMOness.

This means you must know how to proficiently deal with EMO COWS and resist being converted to be one of them.

Show no mercy to the HELL BOVINES!

OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!!!