The Male Test

Have you ever wondered for a moment (guys only) if you might be a male in body but female in mind? Fret not, Samuel The Great has decided to devise this legendary benchmark/test to prove your pitiful existence once and for all. ONLY APPLICABLE TO GUYS AGE 18-24

Introducing... THE MALE TEST!!!!!!!!!
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1. Movies

You know you are royally fucked if you haven't watch ANY of the above mentioned 3 films. Seriously man... I ain't shittin you, you are so so fucked. What have you been watching anyway, I'm really curious, Hannah Montana? Grow a deek, you robin-van-PuSsY.

2. Sports

If you can't name at LEAST one of these guys, you are either

a) Inflicted with down syndrome

b) Female

c) Dining with Zeus on Mount Olympus all the while

3. TV Shows

If you can't identify what these men do for a living or what show they feature in, perhaps you need your ass kicked.

4. Games

 

Never played any of these? Then I can safely assure you the 'M' written on your NRIC stands for 'Mistake' and not 'Male', FYL BRO!

5. Swearing

If you do not utter any of these words more than 5TIMES a day... NO, you are not classy, elegant or civilised. Ur a fucking fairy bitch!!! Exceptions are granted if you CUSS in hokkien, malay, chinese, cantonese, tamil etc... BTW Arsenal fanboys have to submit to ARSENE WANKER, its a must.

6. Shopping for clothing

This is pretty straight-forward.

0min - 10mins = Congrats, you are Samuel. You are cool (God).

11 - 30mins = Is there a long queue or are you an indecisive prick?

31 - 60mins = You better be trying to hook up with that hot casher or else NO EXCUSE...

1hr< = How about buying a plane ticket to Thailand for some... ya noe *AHEM* organ operation???

7. Hollywood crush

If you NEVER at one point of your life dreamed, wished, aspired or hoped to bed any of these women, I HEREBY GRANT YOU THE PERMISSION TO USE THE LADIES RESTROOM FROM NOW ON.

8. Self-defense

As a qualified male, you need to be able to name ALL 3 martial arts! If you can't, at least now you know how much you suck in life.

9. Unforgivable sins aka Death Penalty

a) Getting a facial treatment

b) Manicure

c) Owning more than 5 pairs of shoes

These sins are so deadly even Satan wouldn't dare take you in to hell for fear of defiling his humble abode. Don't count on the Olympians and their Tartarus abyss too, not gonna work. Just shoot yourself and hope you reborn as The Higgs boson to float around aimlessly in deep space for all eternity.

10) Music

If U2's -Elevation-, Oasis's -Wonderwall- or Motorhead's -Ace of Spades- (anyone of the above mentioned) never made an appearance in your itunes, winamp, windowsmediaplayer or creative playlist, tomorrow would be a good day to start wearing a skirt.

Ok that's all for now biatches!! Imma gonna get my BEAUTY sleep now...