Being a media student, I can safely say I am pretty well-versed in the study of new media… these would include internet fads such as Facebook, Youtube, blabhlabhlabhlab and of course the most redundant of all, Twitter.
You might think, ‘well you dick I know those too, I don’t need to be a media student to know that ya?’
Then re-read my opener.
I *study* these new media
I’m skipping the dry knowledge and all because it would bore people but take my word when I say it, Twitter is bullshit.
Its fucking amazing that so many people caught on to it. Humankind is catching up to new boundaries of stupidity.
What is Twitter anyway?
Ans: It’s a social networking site which utilises short word relays to broadcast messages. For example, you could post a short string of words to convey a certain mood, emotion or perhaps describe the setting/environment you are in etc.
(but wait, isn’t that what the Facebook status is for?)
words of wisdom from the almighty
Why is the mascot of Twitter a Bluebird?
Ans: In Mandarin, it’s pronounced as ‘Lan Niao’. A direct conversion to Hokkien would yield ‘Lan Jiao’. Suddenly Twitter sounds very unflattering eh?
Damn… these Twitter founders sure are adept in the art of subtlety!
Why do people use Twitter?
Ans: Similiary why do people watch Glee or why do people buy iPhones? It’s called following the crowd. A scientific term for this occurrence is known as ‘The Bandwagon Effect’.
Why is Twitter’s existence Ironic?
For your Twitter to be considered effective, you need to have followers (quite a substantial amount).
If you have a substantial amount of followers, you can be deemed ‘famous’.
(yes, famous can be used here in a very loosely defined context)
What do ‘famous’ people always bitch about?
“GOD DAMN IT, LEAVE ME ALONE ASSWIPES” --> directed at nosy reporters
he is Mel Gibson btw, not Saddam Hussein
THIS IS SADDAM
goddamn it they fucking look alike
“YOU POINT THAT CAMERA AT ME ONCE MORE AND I WILL SHOVE IT UP YOUR CANDY ASS”
--> directed at nosy reporters
“IT’S MY PERSONAL LIFE, PLEASE RESPECT MY PRIVACY”--> directed at nosy reporters
“ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!!” --> directed at snakes
Ok in short, life is a vicious cycle. When you are poor, lonely and unsecured, you wish for money, fame and power.
When you obtain those, you then find a way to secure them.
The way of securing those goodies is simply… well… via Privacy
But then you can’t have your privacy and remain famous at the same time.
Best of both worlds? Not a chance.
No amount of money will stop people from scrutinizing your life.
Ask Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak or Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo if you are unconvinced.
yup they wanna know everything abt him
Well who asked you to be earning millions in small change, who asked you to have legions of fans clamouring at your feet?
But Sam, Twitter is not just for famous people right? Even if I am not famous, I can still Twit!!!
Ans: Of course you can genius, just that nobody gives a shit? Yup the paradoxical existence that is Twitter.
Ok honestly, there must be some use for Twitter true?
Ans: Definitely! Let me list them out for your convenience.
1. Attention wh**e (this is the most crucial factor affecting 99.9% of Twitterers, they just CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF ATTENTION)
2. If you can utilize this attention for commercial purposes eg- to market yourself, to market products, you’re in the photojournalism line, to egg people to watch your new movie etc. Fair enough! If you can convert the crowd’s support and attention to $$$, you have succeeded at least in sanity’s point of view.
3. You are bored… and I mean really really fucking bored! You need some avenues to relieve stress and Twitting fills this gap. I don’t know, maybe you get your kicks from stalking people on Twitter or something?
4. Your immediate circle of friends lack communicative devices/mediums like handphones, home-lines, emails etc. and you can ONLY REACH THEM THROUGH TWITTER! For this method to work, that particular group of friends have to ALL BE USING TWITTER AS WELL. And if your closest group of friends communicate via Twitter, sadly bro/sis, you have failed in life. You need new friends, or perhaps a new country. (Yes I’m sure you’ve all heard the excuses friends give for using Twitter- ‘Eh Twitter easier leh, I just Twit, they all know where I’m going then can meet direct blahblabblah, save time save sms’.)
5. You don’t have Whatsapp, neither do you have MSN.
You have to note that no matter how advanced technology is, the underlying purpose of communications is still about building and maintaining human relations. For that I believe the most effective and sincere method of communications to be a face to face conversation. That beats Twit2Face conversations ANYDAY ANYTIME.
*Sam if he Twitted*
Wakes up 11am
RISE AND SHINE PEEPS
GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH LOLOLOL
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU FORGOT TO SOUND MY MOUSEHUNT HORN!!!! FMLFMLFMLFML
@MarkTay WOOOOOTTTTTTT CAUGHT A FKN ACOLYTE MOUSE WAHAHHAHAHAH I AM KING OF THE WORLD BOW TO GREATNESS
Ok back to brushing my teeth lol
WHATS FOR LUNCH?
WTF PORRIDGE AGAIN… ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz I HATE MAMA’S COOKING
Should I study or should I not?
Should I study or should I not?
Should I study or should I not?
Should I study or should I not?
Lololol this dude thinks he can beat me with Keeper Of The Light roflll
When I started playing DotA, Ash’s Charizard was still a Charmander!
@Froggiemania YOU DON’T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST THE DOTA GOD, TAKE YO PUNKASS HOME.
I just made a guy leave… AGAIN!
@Jeremy I SHOULD GIVE DOTA TUITION, I’M SO GODLY????
Ok 1 more match and I will study, PROMISE!
Ehhh the match no count, got leaver..
LAST MATCH, FUCKING SWEAR! LAST MATCH, LAST LAST MATCH, IF I PLAY AGAIN, I GANA LANGA BY LORRY WHEN I GO OUT
5.25pm haiz… wanna study but dinner soon then will break my concentration… I think take a nap ba ok?
WAH RAINING, SONG!!! JESUS WANTS ME TO SLEEP. REJOICE IN THE LORD!
DINNER!!!!!!
@SarahAnnLim DON’T STEAL MY FUCKING KANGKONG, MAMA COOKED IT FOR ME! KNN U EAT EAT EAT, SO FAT LIAO STILL EAT
Study time sian… sian sian sian sian
Haiz feeling so emo… fuck studies man seriously if only I tio beh bio!!!
Ok abit of Myfatpocket won’t hurt lol
@Shion HUAT ZAI YE! HUAT ZAI YE! NI ZAI NA LI?
@AlexanderLim Bro I hope MAN U loses tonight hhahahahahah
@AlexanderLim wha.. wha.. what did you say??? ROONEY WILL SAVE MAN U?? PLS LA WHO THE FUCK PAYS $250,000 A WEEK FOR SHREK?
BIGGEST JOKE OF THE DAY, MY FRIEND TOLD ME ROONEY WILL SAVE MAN U!!!! AAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
@DouglasChan huh? I’m studying la! Who the hell says I’m not… JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN’T PHYSICALLY SEE ME STUDYING DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT STUDYING RIGHT
Surfing PRON~~~ eh wait, am I supposed to be twitting this???
MY PS3 COLLECTING DUST, TIME TO PLAY IT BECAUSE IF I DON’T, IT WILL GET RUSTY AND DETERIORATE!!! A DETERIORATING PS3 EQUATES TO A ROWDY SAM
LUBU IS HAX!!!!!!
Black Ops is so much easier on PC
OMFG ITS 3AM??????????????????????????????????
FUCK SHIT TMR STILL NEED TO SUBMIT PROJECT
HOMG IM SCREWED
BYE WORLD
I hope I managed to utterly convince you that Twitter is Retarded.
Whatever it can do, Facebook can do Better.
Till next time!
My next times are very long... long long away long long ago
