Ya know I’m a pretty calm and collected person… I seldom lose my temper and my tolerance threshold is rather commendable.
I attribute this to 2 of my individualistic mannerisms
- I don’t usually give a fuck about insignificant things. I’m a messy person by nature, I’m lazy, my favourite pastime is napping, I’m unholy (according to my sis I have no FAITH because I am an atheist) but still… despite all these shortcomings, when you look at me, you’ll realise that I still have my way around life. I am not directionless, I am not without a purpose or a goal, I am not struggling or desperately pleading for some sort of assistance etc. That’s because I focus on what’s important! Small things… don’t waste my time. I’m a bigger picture kind of guy. Having a “Bo-chap” mentality is good because you will not sulk over minor things. A word of caution though, if you wanna ‘Bo-chap’, you have to ensure that you only ignore inconsequential stuff (trivial matters).
- Level of maturity. If you’re a childish or immature person, you will lose your temper ALL THE TIME. If you are stupid, chances are you get easily agitated as well. Let me put it this way, if some idiot is out to annoy you; you can choose to ignore or retaliate. By ignoring, you save yourself from blowing your top, by retaliating, you bring yourself to his level (yup, the level of stupidity). I once read this funny saying, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt”. And why can you never win idiots in an argument??? Because they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience… Thus, it never fails to amaze me when I see keyboard warriors thrashing it out over cyber banter.
the 3g army SAF so desires
Today’s article will be about the THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF!!!!#$#@%$
Remember, if you can make it to my list (the list of a guy with a very good temper), it means that you have reached a whole new degree of ‘moronness’. Congrats on scaling the apex of nonsensicality.
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Password Suggest
On a irritancy scale of 1 – 10
1 being docile and utterly harmless (cloud gazing)
3 being mild (ice-cream melting before you can finish eating it)
5 being considerable (hokkien mee aunty got your order wrong and you’re starving)
7 being pain in the arse (failing your driving test for the 5th time)
10 being IMMA FUCKING TAKE A KNIFE, PLUNGE IT THROUGH YOUR HEART, GRIND YOUR BONES TO DUST AND STIR FRY YOU TO EXTINCTION (justin bieber holding a gig in your room)
I would classify Password Suggest as an eleven!!!!! 11!!!! 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Password Suggest is hands down the fucking stupidest idea ever conceived by humankind.
For those of you who are lost, Password Suggest is the system prompting you OR rather DENYING YOU your password selection/choice when you are creating an account.
Here is a fictional scenario painted for the convenience of your understanding-
REGISTER NOW AND STAND A CHANCE TO WIN A FREE TRIP TO KOREA TO MEET THE BROWN EYED GIRLS
Narsha is da bomb
Sam: Wahhhhhhh!!! (Hyperventilating)
Sam: IM GOING TO SIGN UP THIS VERY SECOND LOLOLOL
*chucks PR textbook aside*
Sam: Ok… so my user name shall be I_LUV_NARSHA_1988
Sam: First Name, Samuel
Sam: Surname, Lim
Sam: password shall be… hmm… since I’m so forgetful, just put my name la, samuel
System1: Invalid password, password cannot be your name
Sam: oh ok… then samuelthegod
System1: Invalid password, password cannot CONTAIN your name
Sam: What??? Zzz k then lubu
System1: Invalid password, password is too short
Sam: knn… then lubulubulubulubulubu
System1:: Invalid password, password must contain alphanumerical characters
Sam: this is fucking retarded! Arghhh then lubulubu5$
System1: Congratulations your account is created =)
Sam: FINALLY!!!!!
*2months later, contest announcement day*
Sam: HAHAHA NARSHA HERE I COME
Sam: HAHAHA NARSHA HERE I COME
she's waiting 4 me
Sam: Ok... I_LUV_NARSHA_1988
Sam: Password, Samuel
System2: Wrong password
Sam: Eh?
Sam: samuelthegod
System2: Wrong password
Sam: wtf!?!?! Why like that, OMG HEAVEN DON’T PLAY THIS TYPE OF PRANK ON ME LEH!!!
Sam: password
System2: Wrong password
Sam: thiswebsiteisgay
System2: Wrong password asshole but nice try
Sam: LOLLLL WHAT DID I JUST READ??????? LOLLLLLLLLL
Sam: haizya fuck it la, password recall
System2: To enable password retrieval, please key in the following
CAPTCHA
Sam: WAH KNN THIS ONE IS FOR WHO TO READ DE???? E.T. ISSIT??? DO I LOOK LIKE A ZERGLING TO YOU????
hydralisk on crack
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See I can fathom the reasoning behind Password Suggest. It’s to prevent stupid people from getting hacked because they always type generic passwords that give hackers a REALLY GOOD TIME….
Having a generic password is akin to facilitating a hacker in his craft. Don’t allow him to break into your account EFFORTLESSLY… it’s an insult to your intelligence really.
BUT HOW ABOUT “CAPTCHA”
“captcha” are those screenshots you seen earlier
It’s to make certain that the person typing in the information is indeed a ‘person’ and not a computer.
OK BUT THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TRY AND FUCK ME UP BY MAKING THE FONTS ILLEGIBLE?!?!? Cannot use Arial or Times New Roman? Have to use those LJBIN fonts that even people with perfect eyesight (me) cant make them up? I activated my Sharingan to aid in deciphering the Captcha but guess what, I FAILED.
fail whale knows i have failed
To those CAPTCHA programmers, for goodness sake, did 4 years in computing faculty mess up your common sense or something?
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Wife: Our baby so cute… lets name him Sheldon
Sam: Good choice honey! Then he will grow up to be as smart as Sheldon Cooper
Doctor: Sorry that is an inappropriate name, your baby was born on November, it’s our Hospital’s policy that babies born on November cannot have names starting with ‘S’.
Wife: Er ok how about Wen Xuan
Sam: Sounds good
Doctor: Sorry but our hospital is angmoh pai, you cannot choose a chinese name…
Wife: what…??
Sam: Ok we will name him Donnie
Doctor: Sorry but the couple opposite your bed, their baby already name Donnie, so you cannot copy him…
Sam: Oie doctor, what is this? Am I on a gameshow or something? Are there cameras hidden around here, am I on punk’d?
Doctor: Hospital policy, sorry for inconvenience.
Sam: BUT I DIE DIE ALSO WANT NAME MY SON DONNIE LEH!! WHAT CAN YOU DO???
Doctor: You can add a digit or sign behind his name to differentiate YOUR Donnie from THEIR Donnie.
Doctor: Like that maybe I can close an eye and let this slip.
Sam: Piang… so ma-huan…. Ok then we name him Donnie The First _1
Doctor: Excellent choice, all the best for your parenting days ahead!
Doctor: NURSE!!! Register name
Nurse: Son’s name?
Sam: Donnie The First_1
Nurse: Sir you be serious ah, I very busy one leh, don’t waste my time!
Sam: REALLY! Donnie The First_1
Nurse: SIR ONE MORE TIME YOU DONNIE THE FIRST_1 ME I CALL THE POLICE I TELL YOU
Sam: YOU GO ASK DOCTOR BENG LA!!!
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God damn. It’s my son I name him whatever I want. Just like it’s my password, I name it whatever I want. Case closed.
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Automated Operators
Every tried calling your mobile/internet provider only to slam the phone in disgust after 3mins?
Sam: Wah the starhub CHUI… DUNO WHY THEY CALL THEMSELVES STARHUB, SHOULD JUST RENAME TO LAGHUB. NB PLAY 1 DOTA LAG LAG LAG , CAST ONE EPICENTRE HAVEN EVEN SEE ONE RING COME OUT I WAITING FOR REVIVAL LIAO, PU BOR!!!
Sam: I gonna call starhub and KAN them now.
*dials in to starhub*
Automated1: Welcome to Starhub. For English Press 1, For Chinese Press 2, For Malay Press 3, For Tamil Press 4, For Na’vi Language Press 5, For LOLSPEAK Press 6
cruise is that you bro??? wtf has Scientology done to your brain
Sam: ~1
Automated1: Thank you for your selection, for general enquires Press 1, for customer service Press 2, for latest promotions and deals Press 3, for all other matters Press 4, for KPKB please hang up.
Sam: ~2
Automated1: Thank you for your selection, for male speaker Press 1, for female speaker Press 2, for SWEETYOUNGTHING/chiobu/SPG Press 3, for LGBT Press 4
she's glowing
Sam: WAH!!! LOLLLLLLL ~3
Automated1: Thank you for your selection, please wait while our friendly service attendants get back to you shortly.
*BGM*
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*15mins later* (Sam had enough time to take a bath, make a warm cup of milo and prepare a short speech to deliver to the prospective babelicious phone operator)
everybody's dream vehicle, the MILO VAN
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Automated1: Sorry due to overwhelming island wide demand for selection 3, all our operators are currently unavailable. You may make another selection or continue waiting.
Sam: PERSEVERE!!! I’LL WAIT
Automated1: If that is your final answer Press 1, if you wish to phone a friend Press 2, if you would like to poll the audience Press 3, if you need extra time to think Press 4
Sam: ~1
Automated1: Thank you for your selection, please wait while our friendly service attendants get back to you shortly.
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*another 15mins*
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Automated1: Sorry due to overwhelming island wide demand for selection 3, all our operators are currently unavailable. You may make another selection or continue waiting.
Sam: FUUUUUuuuu myyyyyy lifeeeeeeeeeeeeee I FEEL LIKE MURDERING SOMEONE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Automated1: If your murder weapon of choice is a knife Press 1, golf club Press 2, M4A1Carbine Press 3… ……… ……… ….
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SERVICE PROVIDERS, PLEASE NOTE! 95% of your callers who call in have a problem that needs to be solved (the sooner the better). We are not calling in intending to have a nice conversation with any of your staffs. So do away with that fucking automated crap, it just PISSES US MORE. When someone calls in, just IMMEDIATELY divert the damn call to a service attendant. SOLVE OUR PROBLEM AND WE WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE. Like seriously, who the fuck actually calls in to ENQUIRE ABOUT PROMOTIONS??? Or perhaps they were expecting people to call in to COMPLIMENT their services???? Screw this, why is the society flooded with so much dumbness these days…
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Autotaps/Sensor taps
These things NEVER work on me. I have no bloody idea why.
No matter how frantic my hand movements are, the sensors remain unconvinced.
hi my name is Bob and i'm a failed experiment
Imagine yourself at a high-class venue (hotel, restaurant etc.), you walk into the restroom, do your business walk out and try to wash your hands BUT THE EFFING THING ISN’T WORKING
But fear not!!! There are 6 taps, 1 of them HAS TO WORK
So from tap 1, I shift myself to tap 2, then to tap 3, tap 4 so on….
At every tap I have to perform the same rabid motion of swinging my hands around trying to get the tap to work
I LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE RETARD and I feel like a deranged fool with a severe case of OCD.
Those people sharing the same restroom as me, those civilised uncles, they must be thinking, this boyboy is siao.
zou jieming only eat chocolate, not medicine
AND TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY
THEY SUCCEED AT THE FIRST TRY
I always observe others.
WHEN THEY PUT THEIR HANDS THERE, IT WORKS! The tap obeys!!!!!!!!!!
WTF THIS IS REALLY MINDFUCK!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????
ISSIT THE TAP CANNOT DETECT ME BECAUSE I AM OF DIVINE HERITAGE/BLOODLINE????? ARE THE TAPS ONLY MORTAL-FRIENDLY?????? OR ARE MY TAP-ACTIVATION TECHNIQUES TOTALLY HAY WIRED???????
CAN’T THEY JUST SWITCH BACK TO THE TRADITIONAL TAPS???????
All these talk about saving water… YEAH RIGHT!
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Ok peeps have been mailing me requesting for a hyperlink at the bottom of my posts that enables linking to facebook, twitter blabblah so they can share my blog.
First off, thanks for your interest in my blog. To be honest though, I’m still exploring that function trying to figure out how to add it. LOL yes I am a template newbie I don’t deny that…
If you are kind enough, please assist. Till then cya!
